| Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS? |
| If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! |
| 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? |
| Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. |
| You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! |
| DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES. |
| JESUS SAVES...He passes it to Gretzky...He shoots...He scores!!! |
| You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT! |
| Save your breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date! |
| Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. |
| My hockey Mom can beat up your soccer Mom. |
| All men are animals, some just make better pets. |
| Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. |
| I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. |
| I need someone really bad...Are you really bad? |
| The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. |
| IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. |
| Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. |
| Out of my mind...Back in five minutes. |
| Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. |
| I took an IQ test and the results were negative. |
| Where there's a will...I want to be in it. |
| It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. |
| We are born naked, wet, and hungry...Then things get worse. |
| Good friends help you move. Great friends help you move bodies. |
| Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. |
| Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? |
| Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. |
Honk If You Want To See My Finger |